I...

I knew I needed a break from the hothead I'm turning into, the moment I got up in the morning and read my previous post... The raving lunacy in that makes Mike Tyson looks like a messenger of peace, with olive leaves in his hands and white doves perched on his shoulders...

Think a vacation to Mauritius with an armful of blondes is called for...

Am I assertive? With all the pent-up rage in me, yes, but then coupled with unbridled aggression, I tend to rattle people, the way a rattlesnake in your soup would rattle you. I care for some people, like I always did, would jump off a cliff for them if I had to, but the histrionics that they come up with drive me to the edge of something remotely resembling sanity...

Am I juvenile? I can hear the distant voices from the heavens proclaiming a vehement "YES"... I shake my fists in the skyward direction, but I won't say I disagree...

What happened to the guy who used to be so shy, the pillar in the corner used to speak louder than him...?
What happened to the bloke who used to exist in his own melodious harmony even as crap used to rain around him?
What happened to the teenager who used to react with a quiet (wimpy?) "How rude is that!" to an obscenity?
What happened to the chap who used to agonize over his grades and laugh maniacally at a friend's melodramatic misery??
Why does NOW make me wish for THEN?
Why I do put myself through this?
Why do I allow others to hurt me?
Why do I allow myself to get hurt?
Why am I so keen on selling my soul to the devil?
Why do I have this crazy self-pity bug in my blood?
Why do I wake up every morning wanting to make it to the end of the day, without having found out something someone said about me behind my back?
Why do I feel that friendship, loyalty, trust, commitment is something best steered clear of...?
Why am I so scared of the light that reveals the stark reality?
Why does this reality hurt so much that I just want to close my eyes, never to open them again...?
Why am I trying to hold on to the frayed strings that I myself severed ages ago?
Why am I so scared of going back to lying in someone's arms?
Why is it so fucking difficult to forget someone who did not deserve my tears, much less, anything else from me?

What the fuck is it with me and my moronic morose morosis?? 2 posts in a space of 9 hours....

I'm scrapping the Mauritius plan... Have had too much of blondes already, you see!


Mood: Damn, Damn and Double Damn

Listening to: Tera Muskarana - Jhankar Beats!