~~Into the Great Wide Divide~~

I know the "tilde"d title looks a bit girly... But Shilpi does that on all her posts, so i thought I'll give it a shot too!! Sue me!! The divide I am referring to is this 3-day weekend that I have... I'm missing my workplace, yeah... Culpable como cargado!

First day of a 3-day weekend and I'm made a trip to HDFC to make a friend's visa payments... Driving in traffic sucks :(
I just realised that I have never talked about myself here... I crib about everything in my life, and everything under the sun too, but i haven't done any self-trumpet blowing yet!! How ignorant of me!

Well, lets see.... I'm this 6'3", broad-shouldered, slim-hipped, chocolate-faced, cocoa-eyed young Adonis... I look like a dream and walk, talk, dance like one too... I have a face to die for and a physique to rival that... Your typical Greek God, in lesser words!

Now if you girls are done drooling, lets peel off the Park Avenue mannequin!! I'm as tall as the coffee table and possess a build that resembles a ball with stubby legs... I cannot dance to save my life... I have a 2-month beard on me right now, and I plan on taking it to the 5-month-milestone... My face, yes it will kill you on sight, aided by my northward-bound-hairline... Any1 still salivating? :)

Having read that most of you will surely come up with a remark about something pertaining to this blog being narcissistic... Of course, its narcissistic... Otherwise, what's the point!! heheh!!

Was thinking about some old times today... Realised that there has been someone up there watching over me all these years... Whenever I have been somewhere abysmally low, something has always been instrumental in restoring my sanity... Be it a dance performance, or jousts of creative writing, I have always found something to take refuge in...

To that guardian angel: Dear Sir, I need something now...

I have this 2-month old beard right now... 2 days ago Mamujaan comes to me and says "Eby what is this?? you are working in a professional organization now, you need to start being a little more formal, even in your personal matters???" WTF!! You want formal? Fine, I'll start wearing a neck-tie to the shower!! Mamujaan is a pseudonym for a big gun at work... Can't retort to him on his face, else you may see me looking for another job...

See, I grow a beard because I like growing a beard, I don't see how it affects my (scant?) productivity! Also, the beard is to be blamed for 25 years of "singledom", not me!

"Singledom" is a status I have accepted with open arms... (Sour grapes suck!!)... Jokes apart, for the record, I truly believe that the concept of romance is solely the result of exaggerated testosterone play and vacuum-headed Bollywood movie directors... I also believe that mush talk and true love are genuinely criminal methods of wasting time and misleading the impressionable youth...

Yep, the phenomenon called LOVE is definitely beyond my rudimentary, inchoate comprehension skills... I birdwatch, flirt, sweet-talk, all that, but relationships, even platonic ones, have never gone good for me... All they manage to do is nudge me verrrrry gradually into devastating soul-wrenching dilemnas... DAMN!

The biggest challenge is to actually figure out what the female is looking for... I say THE female, because it applies to every specimen conforming to the universal definition of female... Do they want a Prince Charming or do they want a charming jester???

I have seen perfectly good looking, agreeable, sensible, take-home-to-mummyji league of guys being rejected by a girl; reason: "Oh! He does not make me laugh..." Now if what you females want is someone suffering from a bad case of wiseass fever, why the *bleep* am I still single????

OK, maybe I'm not exactly the best example for ladies looking for a guy suffused with humour, but then face it girls, no self-respecting-guy is not gonna make you titter all the time and tolerate you giggling away to Kingdom Come... If that is what we wanted, Hyenas would have made good household pets!

I have seen guys being labeled "CREEP" when they attempt to act slightly smart in the vicinity of the fairer sex... But if no one pays attention to their oh-so-sexy-selves, then we are the unconcerned, insensitive clods... And its not just "creep", its "creeeeeeep"... Girl Power affirmed!!

And by the way, we guys expect something from you girls too... DO NOT ASSUME that it is we who are obliged to kiss your fetid butts all the time... You need to do some "impressing-us" too... Remember, if you can throw your tantrums, we can bring the house down too... We are not here to hear one of your crucifyingly boring sermons on why the guy-in-the-adjacent cubicle hits on you, or to be a mute listener to your excruciatingly disgusting gossip sessions...

To quote Sujanya, being in a relationship, any relationship, is like sailing in a boat... The ride’s going to be smooth so long as you know your course. As long as you understand the boat’s needs and the weather ahead, you’re fine. Once you start taking the boat/ the weather for granted its “MAN OVERBOARD!!!”
Sorry about so much of the gyan-cum-tirade... Can't think of any more unsolicited pearls of wisdom to hand out so more on this once I'm recharged, rejuvenated, revitalised... OK, that just turned into an ad for a pharmacy clinic...

Haven't eaten a single bite of anything remotely resembling food... (my nails don't qualify!)... Lemme go grab a bite before malnutrition hits my not-so-little tummy!


Current Mood: AAAAHHHH!!

Music: Sadness - Enigma (Its a dance number!)