So I wrote this to my 35-year-old self, when I had barely turned 31. It's bittersweet, in a way, reading what my considerably-younger, not-so-wiser self has written to me. In other ways, I guess it's good to see that I haven't changed much from the prat that I was.
The following is an email from the past, composed on January 17, 2014. It is being delivered from the past through FutureMe.org
Dear FutureMe,
Happy 35th birthday! You remember, even if no one else does!
This comes to you, from the present-day-31-year-old you. 31. The present you has always been touchy about age. 31, as a number, looks to be quite a lot, but you don't feel old at all. Hell, you are fitter, stronger and a lot more active that many of your much-younger peers. Granted, you still have chicken legs, but your incredibly good looks, immensely broad shoulders and impeccable English more than make up for it :)
You are a writer. In your own opinion, you are not writer extraordinaire, but you are not too bad either. Sometimes reading your own older work causes you to wonder how you got so good. Of course, there is stuff you've written, that is so forced and wannabe, it makes you want to smack yourself repeatedly in the forehead. I hope you still do write. Don't force yourself, write only when you want to. You are good when you choose to be.
Remember Bubbles? Remember the way you felt about her? Remember all that you wrote for her? Remember that she read it, yet was never sure what to do about it?
She was special in a way no one else could be. And the present you does not know how things would be between the two of you the day you get this. The present you wishes you could travel forward in time and find out whether she will be part of your life. You miss her even as you write this. And you wish that she would be part of the future (your present) that you have always envisioned.
The present you has never been in love. Sure, you've dated quite a few women. And all of them have blown up spectacularly in your face. While it would be pretty preposterous to say that all the fault lay with you, it is true to a considerable degree. You had to know that you really did not love them, and you should have ended things way before you did. Or they did. And right now, you look back at all of them as a lesson. Do you wish they would still be around as friends? Sure, you do. But in a perfect world, you would really resemble Tom Cruise as well, and you don't, ergo..!
The present you knows the way he feels about Bubbles, but you are choosing not to do anything about it, no matter how much you miss her. Everyday. She and you are alike in a lot of ways, but also different in others. And you will always want the best for her, and you also accept that she is a better person than you are and she deserves better than you, albeit reluctantly.
The present you is a person who is sometimes rational to the point of sainthood, and at other times, impetuous to a fault. Be rational, be calm, be patient. Have faith, not in yourself, but in God, He is your friend. Remember you talk to Him all the time. As long as He is around, you will never be alone. You have made a fresh start multiple times, new places, new faces, new chases, and yet you have never truly been alone. He will always be your friend, even when you have lost all faith in yourself, and everything and everyone around you. And remember, that all the times you were not ready to have faith, He had faith in you, and that all the times, you let go, He held on to you.
Remember, all the times you were not sure about God? Remember how you started to gym in the morning, but don't recall getting there? Remember driving delirious with sleep, yet getting where you had to safely? Remember always getting a solution to the most ridiculously complex situations that you managed to get yourself into? That was God. All the time. He got you out of bad relationships, of impossible predicaments, of messed up circumstances. Passports, licenses, visas, documentation, He always had a say in your life, and He will not abandon you. Please don't ever abandon Him.
Remember. Live. Laugh. Sing. Dance. Be cynical, but have faith as well.
Age is just a number.
Age and Weight are just numbers!
Age, Weight and Money are just numbers!
Do the pandaga!
- Exacerbatey.
End of message
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