Charred Letters

I miss you. There are few people I want around me. Few people I've grown to love and trust and respect. I want them all around me. Near me. Ready to hug me when I want to be hugged. Ready to hold my hand through the night in the middle of nowhere. In my selfish little world, I want just these people in my life.

There was that time when we were talking so much, there was this pathetic part of me that would have fallen hook, line and sinker for you. At the risk of sounding like a Fascist, I want that shameless no-strings attached flirting back..

I've learnt that...there are times when you want someone to hear all that you have to say, to hear you cry..
And there are times when you want to curl up alone and just stay like that..
You were the only person I knew how to tell things to..

I don't claim to understand any part of what you've been through or are going through.. I don't claim to be your best friend who can just make everything else seem irrelevant with one little hug.. But I have 28 years of experience in turning away people who genuinely like me and care about me, and running after people who don't give a flying rat's ass about whether I live or die..
Things happen, people change, that I know.. I just don't want anything changing for the worse..

I do not want to hate. There is no part of me that wants that. Believe me. All hate does is maybe make you a good soldier. Makes you want to put every bullet smack in the middle of the other person's forehead! I do not want to hate.

..And there are smiles that do not reach the eyes

Memories streaking down the cheeks

Charred Letters waiting to be found

Closer than you know, nowhere around

Harsh as this may sound, let's get some things straight..
I'm not asking you to be "the friend I want".. Right now, or ever..
I'm not asking you to open up and/or talk to me..
Let's face it.. I'm bad at all that.. I can't set anything right, I cannot give advice, I cannot turn back time.. I'm not God.. I'm pretty much yet another average-Joe flawed human being.. 

I just want you to be okay.. It's been too long..way too long..
And you've been missed..