Tchah!

For all the hoopla and the ensuing panic I associated with flying, it turned out to be a complete non-event! And a back-breaking one, thanks to the seats that do not recline more than a degree!!

The only takeoffs I remember were from Hyderabad at night, when the city looked like a carpet of shimmering lights and then from Chicago to Fayetteville. Although, when we were due to land in Chicago, when the plane broke cloud cover, the sight was fabulous. It was like the world you build from a Lego set, except with even more colours!! Tiny houses, straight roads, little people and vehicles that were actually moving! The landing at Chicago could've been better though. There was a moment, I felt like I was definitely going to crash.

I do not want to feel like this. I do not want anyone capable of making me feel like I'm missing something in my life. I do not want to be incapable of keeping away. I want a fucking lobotomy, I do, I do.

I want to be someone who can genuinely feel happy for people without the least bit of resentment. I want to be able to give and give selflessly, without the slightest hint of expectation. I want to be like that family I met in that wayside church on Easter yesterday. They were playing basketball together and they invited me in to share their Easter lunch of homemade hamburgers. There was something about that warmth that repelled all the bleakness of the Bentonville climate.

I thank you, God.. For the little moments of joy like that.. Everyday.. It makes me want to smile at life..