Well I was thinking about stuff I shouldn't have been thinking about, but that's what I do best anyway! And that was the story behind the title used... Don't want to expostulate on that, so there! Yeah my histrionics can drive you up the wall!
I used to blog on a daily basis when I started out, and now I just don't find the time... I wish I could say managing my 3 highly violent and Mithun "Hoye Saala" Chakraborty-influenced kids leaves me with no time to blog, but due to lack of appropriate people and opportunity, sorry to say, I have no kids... YET :P
I managed to finish reading Chetan Bhagat's latest venture "3 mistakes of my life". Read it primarily because of its 2-digit price tag! :P Naah, I'm too stingy to even purchase it, got it thanks to KTM at work... Well its a decent offering, though it doesn't have the glamour quotient that his second book was so liberal with, and there were traces of the same in his first book too... This one is much darker somehow... My favourite is still "One Night at a Call Centre" though....
Still pretty depressed about something that happened in office yesterday... Damn!! I blew 2 golden chances.... If only I had known before... Damn damn and double damn...
However hard I try, I cannot make Time stop.... I cannot grab Time by its collar and shake it senseless to make it sit down for a while to clear its head. An instance will make you feel, however it makes you feel, only for an instance. It will then leave you and depart forever, never to come back. It could be a happy instance, which brought a smile to you, before continuing on its way; it could be a tense nail-biting instance, which made its presence felt, a tad too tangibly, before taking off into oblivion; it might have been a really hard instance, going perceptibly slower than the average instance. But none of them stay.... And every instance is unique. No instance can take the place of another instance. Its just the way they make you feel and that cannot be replicated. You feel what you feel with an instance. And then that feeling leaves you too. The image might be burned into your memory for a while. But it leaves you too. Like everything else. Like everyone else. Nothing stays forever.
Atleast not with me...
When I'm spectacularly pissed about something, I wish something inside me would implode into a gazillion pieces. But my anatomy does not permit that! Its like when nothing is happening the way you want it to, even when you are ardently putting barge-loads of efforts into wishing it to happen... I can only wish because I don't hold the reins to making it happen.
Sometimes I wish I was a raving alcoholic. I wish I just had that urge to get sloshed beyond my limited senses. I wish that urge was strong enough to dismiss the thought of office next day from my mind, go out and get a couple of quarters (or whatever its called) of Rum, maybe a tandoori chicken too, and sit there and let the liquid burn its way down my gullet.
When I write stuff like this, is when I start wondering, "Am I too addicted to myself?". Yeah I probably am... But then I have to spend a lifetime with myself... Myself is the one thing that will always be by my side.
I need something to take my mind off myself... That's why the fascination with alcohol... No I'm not gonna start drinking! But I still need something to take my mind off... Something other than the Chopin/Bach music playing over my headphones... Something other than the grin trying to fight its way to my lips when my brow's all furrowed... Something other than this inner voice that keeps saying "This too shall pass"... Really not in the mood for proverbs...
As if there isn't enough confusion in life already, all the uncertainty has to add to the prevailing mess!
I don't understand the internal clockwork of the minds of some people. They call you a friend and treat you like a log of deadwood. No I cannot expect them to stick to me like a glob of industrial adhesive, but once in a while, would feel good to know that I'm still hold a place, however insignificant, in the remotest corners of their busy lives... OK, well, maybe a little more significant. Damn, I don't wanna whine about this now, have had enough of the whining...
I think I need to consume buckets of testosterone ASAP! No offence intended ladies, just kidding!
Somehow I miss Dad today... Strange how I call them Pappa and Mummy at home and when I refer to them in third person, it becomes Dad and Mom... Ok ok, chivalry kicked in, Mom and Dad... Happy?
Dad, though I never have and probably never will tell him, I think is the greatest guy I have ever known. In my eyes, he's right up there, somewhere just next to God... Mom too, just the greatest woman I have ever known :)... Damn I miss both of them now...
Where are the damn testosterone vats?
Mood : People say I'm a living disaster... Must say I agree!
Music : Lemon Tree - Fool's Garden
I used to blog on a daily basis when I started out, and now I just don't find the time... I wish I could say managing my 3 highly violent and Mithun "Hoye Saala" Chakraborty-influenced kids leaves me with no time to blog, but due to lack of appropriate people and opportunity, sorry to say, I have no kids... YET :P
I managed to finish reading Chetan Bhagat's latest venture "3 mistakes of my life". Read it primarily because of its 2-digit price tag! :P Naah, I'm too stingy to even purchase it, got it thanks to KTM at work... Well its a decent offering, though it doesn't have the glamour quotient that his second book was so liberal with, and there were traces of the same in his first book too... This one is much darker somehow... My favourite is still "One Night at a Call Centre" though....
Still pretty depressed about something that happened in office yesterday... Damn!! I blew 2 golden chances.... If only I had known before... Damn damn and double damn...
However hard I try, I cannot make Time stop.... I cannot grab Time by its collar and shake it senseless to make it sit down for a while to clear its head. An instance will make you feel, however it makes you feel, only for an instance. It will then leave you and depart forever, never to come back. It could be a happy instance, which brought a smile to you, before continuing on its way; it could be a tense nail-biting instance, which made its presence felt, a tad too tangibly, before taking off into oblivion; it might have been a really hard instance, going perceptibly slower than the average instance. But none of them stay.... And every instance is unique. No instance can take the place of another instance. Its just the way they make you feel and that cannot be replicated. You feel what you feel with an instance. And then that feeling leaves you too. The image might be burned into your memory for a while. But it leaves you too. Like everything else. Like everyone else. Nothing stays forever.
Atleast not with me...
When I'm spectacularly pissed about something, I wish something inside me would implode into a gazillion pieces. But my anatomy does not permit that! Its like when nothing is happening the way you want it to, even when you are ardently putting barge-loads of efforts into wishing it to happen... I can only wish because I don't hold the reins to making it happen.
Sometimes I wish I was a raving alcoholic. I wish I just had that urge to get sloshed beyond my limited senses. I wish that urge was strong enough to dismiss the thought of office next day from my mind, go out and get a couple of quarters (or whatever its called) of Rum, maybe a tandoori chicken too, and sit there and let the liquid burn its way down my gullet.
When I write stuff like this, is when I start wondering, "Am I too addicted to myself?". Yeah I probably am... But then I have to spend a lifetime with myself... Myself is the one thing that will always be by my side.
I need something to take my mind off myself... That's why the fascination with alcohol... No I'm not gonna start drinking! But I still need something to take my mind off... Something other than the Chopin/Bach music playing over my headphones... Something other than the grin trying to fight its way to my lips when my brow's all furrowed... Something other than this inner voice that keeps saying "This too shall pass"... Really not in the mood for proverbs...
As if there isn't enough confusion in life already, all the uncertainty has to add to the prevailing mess!
I don't understand the internal clockwork of the minds of some people. They call you a friend and treat you like a log of deadwood. No I cannot expect them to stick to me like a glob of industrial adhesive, but once in a while, would feel good to know that I'm still hold a place, however insignificant, in the remotest corners of their busy lives... OK, well, maybe a little more significant. Damn, I don't wanna whine about this now, have had enough of the whining...
I think I need to consume buckets of testosterone ASAP! No offence intended ladies, just kidding!
Somehow I miss Dad today... Strange how I call them Pappa and Mummy at home and when I refer to them in third person, it becomes Dad and Mom... Ok ok, chivalry kicked in, Mom and Dad... Happy?
Dad, though I never have and probably never will tell him, I think is the greatest guy I have ever known. In my eyes, he's right up there, somewhere just next to God... Mom too, just the greatest woman I have ever known :)... Damn I miss both of them now...
Where are the damn testosterone vats?
Mood : People say I'm a living disaster... Must say I agree!
Music : Lemon Tree - Fool's Garden
I hope no More Sorrows..
ReplyDeleteI am keeping my fingers crossed for you!
:) Thank you Miss Sunshine!
ReplyDeleteNeed you to keep ur fingers crossed for something else too :D