Yes, evidently I have a thing for alliterations.
Bas yeh tamanna hai, dil jo apna hai, usko mil jao tum
Ab na khayalon mein, na sawaalon mein, baahon mein aao tum
---
Kal kisne dekha hai, kya bharosa hai, reh na jaaye gile
Yahi ibtadah bhi hai, iltajah bhi hai, hai mohabbat bhi yeh
- Mohit Chauhan, Aankhon hi aankhon mein
I have thought of you and I think of you every single day. I'd love to simply pull a plug and let you out of my mind, so that I have some space that I can use for other things.
Not better things.. Just, other things.
I talk to you when I'm alone, often just speaking your name, just to hear the way it sounds. I don't have (m)any memories, or even a picture. None that are mine anyway. Except the 10-year old one.
1/29/12, 3:09:53 AM: Bubbles: If we ever fight seriously we might end up not speaking at all you know..
I can't recall ever having stayed awake until 6AM! And I don't recall ever having an outright fight, I do not think we've had that. But we're here. And I am not liking it. The "affectionate" is a thing of the past. A past incredibly hard to let go of, because it is hard to let someone go when you are not sure how you feel about them.
1/20/12, 8:36:31 AM: Bubbles: I don't like you
I don't blame you. Really. I don't like me much either. But I am all I've got. Not that that's any justification, though. I think both of us are inordinately hard-headed, maybe egotistic, or just too alike, to be capable of having a normal, passably civil conversation..
1/20/12, 8:36:31 AM: Bubbles: I don't like you
I don't blame you. Really. I don't like me much either. But I am all I've got. Not that that's any justification, though. I think both of us are inordinately hard-headed, maybe egotistic, or just too alike, to be capable of having a normal, passably civil conversation..
1/29/12, 5:42:22 AM: Bubbles: Nor do I like fighting with you, we're excessively polite and thank each other way too much!
And when we are mean, we do go the whole hog. It's not just snapping at the ankles, it gets really, really caustic. But during times of peace, I'm unable to think of a single thing to talk with you about. It gets weird way too soon.
Plus the toneless "If you say so" etc, really aren't much of an incentive to make an attempt at conversation.
1/29/12, 5:36:18 AM: Bubbles: Plus a couple of more fights like the one we had today and I know I'll just delete that app from my phone
And it looks like you have.. When you were the one who got me hooked to it.. And I miss you.. And I remember how I was when you last asked if I wanted to play.. And I am sorry..
1/24/12, 5:24:53 PM: Bubbles: So you asked and I told you. Was that so hard? And if I'm angry with you, trust me, you'll know
Sigh.. I still don't. Are you?
1/29/12, 12:27:24 AM: Bubbles: I was mean to you today
True. But I earned every dollop of it. You were at the receiving end of my bipolar dysphoric disorder!
1/29/12, 2:15:20 PM: Bubbles: Apparently sulking all day gives us a lot of things to talk about
Yes, apparently it does!
1/28/12, 7:37:58 PM: Bubbles: God! We're a pair!
Yeah, well.. That we are..!
1/28/12, 11:25:52 PM: Bubbles: I'm not smiling at you
1/28/12, 7:37:58 PM: Bubbles: God! We're a pair!
Yeah, well.. That we are..!
1/28/12, 11:25:52 PM: Bubbles: I'm not smiling at you
That, I know. But you still owe me a dance.
1/29/12, 1:33:03 AM: Bubbles: But all relationships change over time
For me, nothing has changed from the two weeks, two years ago.
1/29/12, 3:36:40 AM: Bubbles: All you had to do was message
1/29/12, 1:33:03 AM: Bubbles: But all relationships change over time
For me, nothing has changed from the two weeks, two years ago.
1/29/12, 3:36:40 AM: Bubbles: All you had to do was message
I'm still working my way up to that. And it's all you have to do too. The fidgety, impatient, grumpy goob that I am, I cannot stop checking my cellphone every 5 minutes. And that's when it's on ringer. Imagine when it's on silent. For maybe, a message that says you did 'mish' me too. The talking maybe, or the arguing, or the inane bantering. Or correcting your English, and hating it when you correct mine. Just so that I can reach that place in my head, where I can see the inevitable, exasperated smile. And hear the inevitable 'softie' that I remember. And pretend to hate it. Where I'd know that it was me you were looking for. Where my jaw would ache from grinning so much, because you laughed that rare wide-mouthed open laugh. Where my laugh would be my own.
The smile is yours, the flutter is mine
The dreams are yours, the prayers are mine
In everything that you do, in everything I don't
The pictures are yours, the memories are mine
They say it’s true
That some dreams are meant to leave, along with those we look up to
But I wasn’t the one who made up these rules, you know
If only I didn’t have to go…
And I know it’s not safe to go alone
But alone is how I have always gone
If only You’d come along…
If only You’d come along…
Maybe, it's not the heights we dread, it's the fall.
Maybe, it's not the dark we're scared of, it's what's in it.
Maybe, we are afraid to care too much, for fear the other person does not care at all.
Maybe, we don't know how much we can take really, and maybe we really don't want to find out either.
Some of us want to be accepted without allowing ourselves to be known. We are afraid that we won't be accepted if we are truly known.
Beyond wrong, beyond right
Beyond fear, beyond flight
Beyond the light, beyond the night
Cobblestones and oceans, a painter's delight
I'll see you there
I'm wondering where you are right now, and I'm wondering what you are doing right now. I'm still waiting for your message, by the way. It's late, it's really late.
I'm still waiting.
